This week was a doozy. Father’s Day weekend was great. The ride there however was pretty scary. It was raining non stop and once we hit Connecticut it was so dark we could barely see. Not a good combination. The plan was to be in Rhode Island by that time. But we were stuck in traffic for like two hours. As we crossed a bridge a passing car splashed us with water and we couldn’t see for a few seconds. I thought we were going to die. A million thoughts raced through my mind. Thank God we made it there ok. My Dad loved his gifts. We mostly hung out and ate some really good Rhode Island food. I’ve always said that food there tastes so much better. I’m not a fan of Jersey food. Or maybe I just haven’t looked hard enough? Anyway, I went to Garden Grille Cafe and got an order of nachos and chipotle seared seitan. It was delicious! Not only was is delicious, I was actually able to eat it without choking. I wish I had pictures to show you, but my mind was sort of elsewhere. I was too busy enjoying myself and my food. I also got a humongous veggie dog at Spike’s Junkyard Dogs. The guys didn’t care for their hot dogs, but I was pretty much in heaven while eating mine. I wish I could have loaded it up with veggies, but the crunchier stuff is harder for me to swallow. So I went simple and had mine with mustard. Still delicious. I wish there was a place like that out here. -sigh
We also visited with a few of my aunts and caught up a little. My sister called me which I found to be weird. I haven’t heard from her in months. To make a long story short, she called and asked me to wish our father a Happy Father’s Day. I told her Ethan kept asking to see her so that he could play with his cousins and asked if we could visit. She said yes and then hung up just to call back minutes later informing me that she was on a bus to our father’s house. Since she has a restraining order against him he said that she couldn’t visit. She flipped out and was pissed that she got on a bus for nothing. I tried telling her that I didn’t ask her to get on a bus in the first place, but offered her a ride back home. She said to forget it. When I asked “What about Ethan?” she said “Forget it. I’m going home.” My mother basically did something similar. She called to wish Juan a Happy Father’s Day. Juan asked her if we could see her and she said she had to work until 4:30 PM. He told her we wouldn’t take up much of her time so she caved and said she’d call later on to set something up. After my sister’s stunt I realized neither wanted to be bothered. So I called my mother and basically told her that if we didn’t get to see her before we left then I didn’t want to be bothered with her any more. I went on about how she makes me feel and how I was so sick of hers and my sister’s head games. I held off on telling her how I felt out of fear that she would cut me out of her life completely. That weekend I realized that she had already done that. So what did I have to lose? Nothing.
We debated on staying an extra day because we had so much fun. Plus we weren’t looking forward to driving back home in the rain. But we decided it would be best to get home since we have to get back to the real world sooner or later. The first thing I did was ask Juan if Mil ate meat while we were away. He asked her and she said no and showed him the freezer full of Boca Burgers. I was so impressed. Bil totally caved and ate meat throughout the whole trip. I just assumed that Mil would have too. They both decided to go vegetarian last Monday. It was totally their idea. I had no influence on them what-so-ever. So anyway, after seeing the Boca Burgers I felt so bad and told Juan that I wanted to make her something special to eat that night. I remember those days all too well. While I see nothing wrong with eating a frozen veggie burger once in a while, I felt much better knowing that there are way more options out there. So I whipped up my favorite vegan potato salad and heated up some chipotle seared seitan which I brought back home with me from Garden Grille Cafe. She enjoyed the dinner a lot. It was a nice quiet night. Then, without warning, our lives were flipped upside down. Again.
We woke up to the faint sound of a knock. Juan claims he heard a few thuds. He went to check it out and then came running back in the room in a panic. I asked what was wrong and he said he had to rush Mil to the hospital. I jumped out of bed to go see what was going on. Juan ended up dialing 911 while I tried to cool Mil off with a cold rag. She was breathing really heavy and her head kept jerking around as if she was nodding off. I won’t go into detail from here on because there are some nosy people that still read up on my life even though neither of us wants to bother with one another. I’d rather not fill them in on any details. To make a long story short, she had a massive stroke which resulted in a blood clot. She was transferred to another hospital where she had surgery to have the clot removed. We waited in the waiting room for what seemed to be forever. Then the good news… she made it out of surgery and the clot was removed successfully. It was a miracle. We were told she might not make it. My mother-in-law survived brain surgery. It’s just… wow. So many things ran through my head. What if we hadn’t come home that day? What if we actually stayed that extra day? What if we weren’t all moved in and no one was here with her? What if we lost her? The very thought bring tears to my eyes. Everyone knows Mil and I have had our issues. Man, have we had our issues. But for the past five years she’s the only mother I’ve known. The few times I was hospitalized she came to visit and stood by my bedside. She helped me through my pregnancy. When I’m sick she brings me tea. Whenever I’m in the kitchen she does whatever she can to help me out. When she sees me come back with something from the market, she goes out and gets more of it. Why? So that when I run out I’ll have more. I never got it before. I was always so quick to judge and question her motives. But the moment I thought I could lose her… I just knew I’d miss it all. Even the bad stuff.
While we were waiting for Mil to get out of surgery my mother called. I called a few people when Juan told me that Mil might not make it. 1) My mother. 2) My grandmother. 3) My father. 4) One of Juan’s cousins. I thought Juan might need the support of some family. And then I e-mailed my best friend. Everyone got back to me. I honestly didn’t think my mother would call me back. But she did. After she asked about Mil, she said “Oh and while I have you on the phone…” and used that time to redeem herself. As if that was the time to discuss our issues. But it did keep my mind occupied so I went along with it. To make another long story short… here’s what I learned… my mother cut me and her grandson out of her life because of her boyfriend. She claimed that I’m more accepting of my father’s girlfriends than I am of her boyfriends. I told her that wasn’t true. Then she told me she didn’t want to be put in a position where she felt she had to make a choice. Then I replied with “But you did make a choice, didn’t you?” She said “No! I didn’t!” I said “You haven’t seen me in what, two years? You haven’t seen your grandson in what, two years? You did make a decision. And the messed up part is, I never met your boyfriend. Not even once. You never even gave me a chance. You just made up your mind and went with it. How unfair is that?” Then there was a long pause. It was so long that I thought she had hung up. I said “Hello?” She said “Yes. See, this is why I didn’t want to have this conversation. Because I knew you’d turn it around on me.” What the fuck ever! She’s just pissed because she knows that I’m right. I had one conversation with that guy on the phone a few years ago. I might even have it saved on an old blog somewhere. I called and said “Hello, is my mother there?” He said “Why hello, Lisa. I’m doing great. Thanks for asking.” I was like wtf? I don’t know this guy. What am I supposed to do? Start grilling him? Should I have asked him twenty questions? Fuck that. I was polite. I said hello. Where I come from that’s enough. Now if I knew him and just asked for my mother that might be a little rude. A little chat wouldn’t hurt. But what do you say to a person you’ve never even met? How’s the weather? So when she brought that up she said he was offended. I told her that I was offended and asked her if his feelings were somehow more important that mine. Then she got all huffy and claimed I could have been nicer. Ok. Next time I’ll be like “Yo, whattup, foo? Where my mutha be, yo?”
She told me she would call me back today. She hasn’t. You know what? I don’t really care either. 1) She brought that topic up at a wrong time. I guess it never occurred to her that I was upset. Maybe my crying wasn’t enough of a clue? 2) She cut me out of her life because she was afraid that I would mistreat her boyfriend. A guy I’ve never even met. She never gave me the chance. I never mistreated her ex. Why would she think I’d mistreat this guy? I think he was the one afraid to be in my presence. He was rude and overreacted. He would have felt weird and didn’t know how to deal with it. He had my mother make a choice. She did. I’m over it now.
Pictures later on tonight. Or tomorrow.
